PTSD Survival Guide

When I was living through my troubles, I literally thought that if I could just get through, to the end of it, that life would be better on the other side.

Little did I know that the lifestyle I stuck with for several years would have a lasting impact on me. I thought it was a situation, an environmental torture that I could just overcome and leave behind me. The bullying, the long hours, the horrible people. But turns out the jokes on me.

I’m living with PTSD.

That’s right focus. I’m living everyday with my PTSD. I’m not sure when the switch flipped for me. Where life as it was flipped into everlasting PTSD. There are a few inciting events that I could see causing it. But it could also be the combination of them? Who knows.

I got out of my situation only to realize I was taking some extra baggage with me. Over the last year, really the last 6 months, I started to allow myself to forgive, to breathe, and to heal. I’m by no means perfect, or healed. But I’m better than I was.

I have my moments of darkened days. I have my moments when life seems too much, or that I have nothing to live for.

I’m living with PTSD.

I’m living with an element of depression that just can’t quite be removed. This weekend is an emotional reminder of what my situation cost me. And while I try to make peace with my decisions, I still miss my dog and greet her with every sunset I see.

I recently came across a saying… One Day Your Story Will Be Someone Else’s Survival Guide.

I’ve already seen that to be true with a friend and her current job situation. As well as a few other situations. These individuals may not have to live my life, but my trials and tribulations have allowed me to give advice to others in similar, yet different situations.

So here’s my advice on how to get through it.

BREATHE

One of the basic things about life is… it requires oxygen. So breathe. Sometimes with PTSD that simple aspect of life is hard. For me, some of my worse flare ups restricts my chest and feels like I’m literally drowning. I’m not in water, I may not even be drinking water. But it’s as if I’m Meredith Grey in the episode where she drowns in the harbor. I’m treading water, some days I’m evening making it OUT of the water. Other days I’m just below the surface.

But even when the moments seem endless. Just remember to breathe. In. Out.

FIND YOUR PEOPLE

One thing that was probably more painful that anything else, was learning that when you are “sick” the people that you thought were “there” for you.. just plain aren’t. Don’t take it personal. It’s them, not you.

In the last year I’ve cut back on who I let in. I accept that some people just AREN’T friends. They are only opportunist individuals waiting for the reason you’ll be valuable to them.

By no means necessary did I hold back my story. I didn’t care who heard. I just didn’t let extras in for the good stuff. And especially not the bad.

I learned that many people are not there for me in the bad times. But a select handful were. And those people are my people. Those are the people that don’t see me as “what can you do for me” type of resource, but an actual friend. That wishes me well, picks me up when I’m down, and sometimes just sits with me while I’m wallowing in the mud at the bottom of the muck.

While each of them would like to “fix” me… they all know they can’t. They help with whatever they are able with. And sometimes they just listen. Let me vent. Let me just be.

It’s important to find your people. You may try to push these people away, but really… they’re just waiting in the sidelines to be called up for help.

ACCEPTANCE

You have PTSD, or some level of mental health crisis. I bawled like no other when I finally let it wash over me that I was stuck. That I had taken something with me. That I was broken.

I accepted the situation I was in. I accepted the decisions I made that got me there. I even forgave the individuals I thought were key players in my situation. But it wasn’t enough to get rid of this thing.

So now I’m just learning to accept that PTSD is me. It’s you. It’s us.

But that doesn’t mean that it has to define us. It’s not the only thing about us. It’s just one part. Like the color of our hair, or the way we talk. It’s an aspect of our life that we can adapt and change, but may never get rid of.

So accept that you have PTSD and lets get better together!

FIND HELP

Seeking professional help was really hard for me. From my experience most people just want to medicate you. For me, that doesn’t work. I got super sick on meds. So I’m trying a holistic approach to my care. I was extremely resistant of adding anything to my regimen. And realistically I do not take them like I should. But I’m human, and I’m fighting everyday. Maybe not hard enough every day. But I’m here.

When talk therapy wasn’t working for me, I tried cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) on my own. It got me part of the way. But eventually I went back.

I don’t think working through your PTSD, or other mental health condition is treated with one method. I think it’s a combination of therapies that get you through.

LOVE YOURSELF

This one is REALLY hard for me. And most days I don’t succeed with it. But I’m trying to cut myself some slack, and trying to learn to love myself. I would say again, but I’m not sure I ever truly did. So this step I’m still working on. But it brings me to my last step.

BABY STEPS

You didn’t get here in one swoop. Even the scariest moments in history were a cumulation of decisions, steps, and actions that resulted in changing SO MANY lives forever.

And even though it may seem so easy to have made it to this point… trust me it’s going to be hard to get out of it.

But it’s your choice. You can sit in the mud and muck… feeling sorry for yourself and your situation. OR. You can do something about it.

Believe me. I sat in the mud. I swam in the muck. I even got a tattoo of a lotus flower. I bathed in my misery. I splashed it allllll over the place.

And you know what? It did NOTHING for me. I didn’t feel better. I didn’t sleep better. I did not enjoy life more. I was miserable and spread my misery like wildfire.

But when I finally decided the only person that was going to “fix” me was me… that’s the moment when I decided to get real. To actually try to get better.

So I took one day at a time. I bought a paddle board to take my dog on the pond. I went to Australia. I drove to Maine. I started baking cupcakes. I made regular coffee dates with my friend. I did what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it.

I’m not perfect. I still have a lot of work to do. But when I started to accept my PTSD, and that I wasn’t perfect, I felt a shift. When I started to just listen to what my body needed, I started to heal. I have to stop myself all the time from comparing myself to others. Because I’m different. I had to let go of a life long dream because it was causing my harm then good.

I’m surviving. I’m living with PTSD. I’m overcoming my struggles and I’m working towards a brighter future. What exactly it has in store I don’t know. But I’ll figure it out along the way.

Happy Healing,

Nattie