Looking back on 2020: My rebuilding year

If I had to describe 2020 in one word it would be: CHANGES.

Some might use words like “weird”, “isolating”, “struggle”, or even “hate”. There are definitely moments in time in which allll of the words used to describe individual moments of 2020 run true. But… My 2020? My 2020 started with the decision that I needed changes to my life.

I started 2020 with the NYR, or ultimately the life goal of leaving my profession. Of taking that leap of faith that if I walk away from my security blanket things will still end up okay.

I knew in walking away from my 6 figure income I would had a harder time paying off the (well into 6 figures) debt that I accrued throughout my education and training in this field. But at the end of the day…. was this profession bringing me ANY joy? NO. It wasn’t feeding my life purpose, or even bringing me anything except anxiety, hatred, and suffering. I dreaded walking into my work place every. single. day. Some weeks the dread even started to creep into my days off.

So January 1st, 2020 I made the decision that this would be my rebuilding year. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do instead. Heck I spent 13 years training for my current job. I ONLY knew how to do this one thing. How was I going to just up and walk away? I was scared. Terrified even. (Truth be told I still am most days!)

But I knew in my heart and soul that I needed a career change and a refocus on me. Now that I set my mind to cut bait and get out of this field… I needed a direction in which to grow/go. I struggle(d) with this decision. I still second guess the decision at least once a week… But after months of searching for options, applying for new grad school programs, researching multiple different career fields, I gave my notice at work. I gave my notice to my landlord.

I ended September without a place to live, a job, or a solid plan. But I was free. I had some savings, but I knew they wouldn’t hold out for much longer. MOVING IS EXPENSIVE.

I packed up my boxes, shipped most of my things, and then loaded up the new travel trailer with the compass pointed in the direction of WESTWARD HO!

The people that talk about changing life plans typically go about it at a slower rate. I have NEVER been a “lets just start dipping our toes in” type girl. I’m a both feet, jumping into the deep end girl. Sometimes the plan changes mid jump, or while treading water… But thus far I have survived a 100% of my worst days. And so have you, btw 😉.

Starting in October (2020) I left behind my job in Connecticut, and started soaking up the sun in Sunny California. I started with relief work on the central coast. My ultimate focus was to soften my edges. I was extra crispy from my burnout and needed a little self tlc. I slept. I walked Hazel on the beach. I ate more than my body weight in authentic Mexican food. I soaked up sunny days. I visited family. And I did what I needed to do. But when working in my same field wasn’t giving me joy, or really anything except dollars needed to pay for my bills… I picked up and moved to Sunny San Diego (aka I’m in Oceanside). I enrolled in the Doctorate program for Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine. My western medicine mindset was in for a rude awaking…

But when looking back at 2020 I don’t just see the COVID pandemic. I see a girl that acknowledged she was in a rut. Acknowledged that her life was toxic. And DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I struggle with making my finances work each month. I struggle with the stark differences of western and eastern medicine. But I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I have a 5 year plan. I even have a 3 year plan.

I may be using my profession to pay the bills while I work towards my exit route… but my profession no longer owns me. With SO MANY people in my field struggling these days, I’m grateful that I can say that I’m not the woman I was 12 months ago. Feeling trapped and diminished by a career I no longer loved.

My life is in transition. And that’s okay.