Farewell Hazel Nut

It’s been a week. One week since I lost you. I miss you everyday, but I’m stronger everyday. The reflexive actions, words, thoughts, etc are happening somewhat less, and hurting less. Instead of breaking down crying on the floor when the waves of grief over your loss hit, I tear up, look up, and smile at you in heaven.

SO Here’s to you Baby Girl:

On January 5th, 2011 I met Hazel Nut for the first time. I like to think that our souls were meant to intertwine that day. I was called out to a hillside home because a local mama dog was having difficulty delivering her pups. When I returned to take her to the clinic instead of finding her I found you, Hazel Nut. You were covered in sawdust, ice cold despite the brutal heat of Grenada, and still had your placenta attached. The family allowed me to take you and your sister back with me in the hopes that you both would survive. We tied off your umbilicus, warmed you up, and fed you. Initially I called you Rosie because you went from purple to rosey red. While your sister didn’t make it, you did. I changed your name to Hazel Nut when your eye color changed, and I finally accepted your as my foster failure. You went to class with me that first semester. And then on and off the island until we left your home country for good when my time was up there. You quickly learned how to be traveling dog. Since we traveled to almost every state in the continental US over your lifetime, you sure had plenty of practice. You went from an island dog, to a snow dog, to a mountain dog, to a pond dog, to a beach dog, to an RV dog, to a desert dog. You tackled 8 cross country road trips, multiple flights, a couple of subway rides (shhh! don’t tell), and a WHOLE LOTTA road trips up and down the coast of California and to/from Vegas.

You helped me survive vet school, internship, residency (woof), post residency life crash courses, and the start of graduate school for acupuncture. Big, small, and in between, you have been there for it all. It’s weird to not have you here for this next chapter of life. But I know you’re with me in spirit.

I knew you were my soul dog. But I especially knew our bond was special when you comforted me after the loss of Sophie. When it was just you, me & Fi our bond got even closer. You were everything to me, and I was everything to you. You loved the snow because I loved the snow. You loved beach time better than mountain time, but you still loved the fresh air because I loved the fresh mountain air. You loved Starbucks, and always knew when we were near one. You loved turkey bacon, always knowing you’d get a piece… towards the end impatiently waiting for your bacon. You loved winery time, even on our last trip to the Central Coast. You loved being the “welcoming committee” for everyone at work. Making sure D & the morning crew knew you were there.

You were my study buddy. My SUP partner. My ride or die travel companion. My secret keeper. My bestest best friend. My love bug. Life without you is going to be hard. But I know you were shining down on us when our future home came onto the market. I know you don’t get to see it in person, but I hope you watch all the improvements we make as Fi & I move in after escrow closes next month.

The house is quiet. Too quiet. The car rides are quiet, and lonely. I miss you baby girl. I miss you with every fiber of my being. I wish I could’ve kept you going, but I knew you were too tired to. I’ll love you forever and ever baby girl.

*Rest In Peace Hazel Nut James*

January 5th, 2011 – August 2nd, 2023