Finding the lotus in the muck

Lotus flowers hold a special meaning for me. I tattooed one to my body. It serves as a reminder. A reminder that we all start in the mud and the muck, but rise above our situations in life to blossom on the surface.

I believed in the meaning of the lotus so much that I felt like it was a metaphor for my life. I was rooted in the mud, but sprouted to the surface. Watching my lotus flowers on the pond outside I realize lotus flowers only bloom when the weather is right. So I guess I really am a lotus flower in life. I regress to my darken times (the mud), lurk within the muck, but sprout when the sun is shining, or the rain stops.

It’s interesting to view from my porch. They really are quite something when in bloom. A break in the stillness of the pond. A flash of white in a sea of muted colors. When I first saw that I had Lotus flowers off my dock I smiled. I thought, yes this is my place. This is where I was meant to end up. After all I literally just tattooed myself with that flower a year ago. It had to mean something right?

Was this my lotus? Was this the beginning of something beautiful? But as the rain would cycle through I realized the lotus was only seen on the good days. Otherwise it lurked just below the surface, closed waiting for it’s day in the sunlight. Today I can’t help but wonder if that lotus is not unlike me.

Am I lurking below the surface, just waiting for the “good days” to just show up? While I may not have been in the worst of the muck, I have definitely had may share of the mud and the muck. But why can’t I find happiness? Why is my internal lotus not blooming after overcoming all that I have from my past? Am I stuck there? Am I stuck in the past? Living over and over the experiences I wish I could redo? I know we only get one chance at life. We make choices each and everyday that lead to the very next question in life.

We make choices everyday. But I’m finding it hard to see my lotus blooming with the choices I’ve made. I guess that means it’s time to go find it. And make the choices that help it bloom on the daily. I’m setting off on my adventure. Are you?